Assuming the Best in Others Might Help You Feel More Confident

If you’ve ever struggled with feeling insecure or awkward, then you've likely worried about other peoples' judgments. (If it helps, this happens to most of us). But, when we fear judgment, we make assumptions about another person's thoughts, and this can make us hold back socially. 

So, what helps? 

Assume the best in other people. 

This assumption isn’t just a generous approach for others; it can also provide a healthy mindset for increasing your own social confidence. 

How? 

It shifts you towards a positivity bias

Humans are predisposed towards a negativity bias, meaning we attach more of our attention to the things we perceive as negative (i.e. remembering criticism more readily than compliments). Assuming the best in other people helps push against this bias. 

You'll be more likely to assume people are making positive judgments about you 

People who fear judgment often judge others. There are a lot of reasons for why we do this including personal protection. Judging other people is a way of rejecting someone (and their opinions) before then can reject you. It might make you feel less vulnerable, but it certainly won't help your social confidence. If you assume the best in other people, overtime, you’ll begin to think they extend the same courtesy to you.

It can increase compassion

When we assume the best in other people, we separate their behaviour from who they are as a person. This helps us move into a state of curiosity and compassion. If you practice compassion for others, then it will be easier to engage in self-compassion. 

Now it’s your turn:

  • In what ways do you assume the worst in others?

  • What would it sound like to assume the best in others?

  • What would it feel like?

  • How does this align with your values and who you want to be as a person?

If assuming the best in other people feels too hard, then try to focus on a realistic middle ground. “I think their intention was _____, but that doesn’t make me feel good. I’m going to try to practice compassion for them because that will make me feel better about this situation.”

Ursula Kerr