How to be More Confident When Strangers are Judging You
Most of us want the freedom to be ourselves, lean into our interests, and try out new bold styles. But the judgments of strangers (including their perceived judgments) are hard to withstand.
The key is to learn how to separate their judgments from your sense of self (and maybe to make yourself a bit like Teflon).
This is a process, but let’s start with self-confidence. There are a lot of different ways to build up your self-confidence, and here are just a few:
Close your eyes and imagine - who would you be if you weren’t worried about the opinions of other people? How would you act, dress, and engage with the world?
Ask yourself - what do you have to gain by being more authentically yourself? How would it change things for you?
Experiment! Practice showing up as this version of yourself around safe people or places. Do you have a work persona that can be a bit more ‘bold’ with sharing ideas? Why not wear that item of clothing you have been too scared to wear at your next book club? If it helps, acknowledge the change to others to cue your brain that it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Odds are, people will think it’s awesome.
Pay attention to how you hold your body in these moments. When you straighten your shoulders, widen your stance, and hold your head up, do you feel stronger? What sensations do you feel in your body when you’re feeling your best?
Keep practicing. Much like learning to ride a bike, it gets easier.
If someone does give you a look, make clear eye contact, stare back, and smile. Show them that you’re confident in yourself even if you’re crumbling on the inside.
Most people will pay attention to anything different or novel. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re judging you.
Remind yourself why working on your self-confidence is so important in the first place! (Tip: ground yourself back to question #2 above).
Personally, when I don’t show up as myself, my world gets smaller and I’m less happy. What’s your reason?
Push yourself to explore what makes you feel confident and see what happens.